This blog is more like a chapter from a book (which I'm determined to write one day!). But for now, here it is, in blog format. It is quite a long one, so maybe you can save it for the weekend and pour yourself a cup of tea before going ahead to read this so-called short chapter in my life.
It's in story form, and something that just poured out of me in two hours. Therefore I trust that it needs to be shared. With the Sensitive Soul community. It is a story of falling. Of healing. Of rising. Of triumph. I hope you enjoy it and are able to receive some insights for yourself when it comes to your own healing process. Whether it be physical, emotional, mental or Spiritual.
I got dressed up like a Goddess, went to a festival, and danced my arse off on New Years Eve night and into the morning hours of New Years Day.
It was pure bliss.
And it was something I SO BADLY NEEDED...
2 Sensitive Souls rocking the dancefloor:
Me and Ruth (the organiser of HSP Melbourne!)
Back-tracking to Xmas Day...
I woke up feeling exhausted, foggy headed and my throat and heart were pounding.
In just a few hours I was to attend one of my dearest friend's family Xmas gatherings.
But judging how I felt, this was something I was going to have to miss. And instead, spend the day in bed.
So I called my friend to let her know I regretfully wouldn't be attending, and straight after that, I jumped into bed, into what seemed like a coma of a sleep.
Even though I climbed out of depression 2 weeks ago, last week, I was still sitting in the dark. And rather than allowing the dark to eat me up and swallow me whole, I peacefully sat in it. Accepted it. Embraced it. I even liked it. I liked it because it was real, it was truth and I was no longer pretending it wasn't there - whether it be within myself or out there in the world. I want to share the below blog about my dark place, some recent experiences I've had with the dark, and what I am learning whilst I'm sitting here, allowing myself to soak it all up.
I'm swimming in the dark right now and strangely enough, this is a very comfortable place to be. For so long now, I've been denying the dark. Whether it be denying it in the world by not watching the news (though I still limit this) and not engaging with 'negative' or 'heavy' people, or denying it in myself by either pretending it's not there, running from it, or being quick to heal and release it so it would leave my energy system. I've been playing that happy la la game. Everything's great. Everything is positive, everything is 'fine'.
But you know what? Much of the time it's not.
And it's been bloody exhausting 'pretending' that all is positive, happy la la and happy times when it's simply not the case. The truth is, the 'real' truth is, that we are living in dark times. All you have to do is watch the news, or step out the door, to realise this is happening. And I don't want to get all dark on you who are reading this because yes, I completely believe that we are headed towards the light and a big shift in paradigms is occurring as we speak. But before we go to the light, I truly feel, that we must first of all, accept, embrace, and move through the dark. Embracing and swimming in the dark side of life in recent weeks has brought a HUGE relief to my system, to my Soul. I'm no longer running around, pretending that all is great and expending vast amounts of energy trying to be in a happy place, when simply, hey I'm just not.
I got struck down with depression last week. I completely shutdown and could not bring myself to have any kind of contact with the world other than what 'had to be' done. I have not felt this awful, vulnerable, lost, confused, heavy and plain gross, for a very long time. And because I felt this way, I isolated myself, hid myself away from the world, and didn't want to speak to anyone (let alone post on social media!). Then as a result of being isolated, I felt incredibly lonely which only compounded the awful feelings that were already being felt. I am very lucky to have a sacred few friends that I can turn to in these times, not many, but a sacred few. With their support, guidance and healing, I was slowly able to pull myself out of the rut and back into the world and reality again... But it took time. And it took work. And it required me to reach out to get help.
I want to talk more about depression and loneliness. It's because when I open up about this topic, it gives permission to others who have also experienced this state in their lives, to also open up. We can all then feel safe and comforted, simply by knowing that we are not alone.
Although the topic of depression has come into mainstream awareness over the last few decades, it is still a taboo subject to talk about and admit to when conversing with people in everyday life.
Today I say fuck it, I'm admitting to it. Because it's been my reality for so long. And although I rarely have bouts these days, the instant this week really reminded me of just how difficult life can be when the so-called 'black-dog' is hovering over your head, and seethingly creeping it's way into your mind and into your emotional body.
Writer. Empowerment Mentor. Spiritual Guide for Sensitive Souls.
As a Sensitive Soul, do you STUFF your emotions down?
Are you a natural INTROVERT?
As a Sensitive Soul, are you SLOW to get started each morning?
Why it's OK to FEEL DEEPLY as a Sensitive Soul.