I got struck down with depression last week. I completely shutdown and could not bring myself to have any kind of contact with the world other than what 'had to be' done. I have not felt this awful, vulnerable, lost, confused, heavy and plain gross, for a very long time. And because I felt this way, I isolated myself, hid myself away from the world, and didn't want to speak to anyone (let alone post on social media!). Then as a result of being isolated, I felt incredibly lonely which only compounded the awful feelings that were already being felt. I am very lucky to have a sacred few friends that I can turn to in these times, not many, but a sacred few. With their support, guidance and healing, I was slowly able to pull myself out of the rut and back into the world and reality again... But it took time. And it took work. And it required me to reach out to get help.
I want to talk more about depression and loneliness. It's because when I open up about this topic, it gives permission to others who have also experienced this state in their lives, to also open up. We can all then feel safe and comforted, simply by knowing that we are not alone.
Although the topic of depression has come into mainstream awareness over the last few decades, it is still a taboo subject to talk about and admit to when conversing with people in everyday life.
Today I say fuck it, I'm admitting to it. Because it's been my reality for so long. And although I rarely have bouts these days, the instant this week really reminded me of just how difficult life can be when the so-called 'black-dog' is hovering over your head, and seethingly creeping it's way into your mind and into your emotional body.
And then there's loneliness, yet another taboo subject that most people in our society are embarrassed to admit and talk about.
My feeling is, and I may be wrong, but perhaps it is a highly common experience for those who are sensitive to get caught up in the vicious depression/loneliness cycle. Maybe because we feel different from those that surround us. Perhaps we don't fit in to our family, mainstream social circles, and the systems and structures that our society is comprised of. And because of this, we are either cast-out because we don't fit, or we isolate ourselves because it's all just too hard to 'pretend' to fit in and be something we're not. Then depression results as we find ourselves alone. And the vicious cycle begins.
Another possibility is, that due to many of us being Empaths, and feeling everything and everything around us, somethimes these energies all get to much to handle as we absorb them! And if we are not doing what we need to do to release this energy build-up on a regular basis, we are likely to feel bogged down, heavy and yes, depressed! And once again we may need to isolate ourselves, and then as a result, the good-old loneliness kicks in.
In most cases from what I’ve seen, depression and loneliness go hand in hand (for the reasons explained above). It can be a vicious cycle and one that can be difficult to break out of.
Back in the day, through most of my twenties and a few years in my teens, I suffered from anxiety and depression on a regular and basis. Back then, the instances and feelings described above would have lasted for months, and at one stage, over a year. Back then I didn't know what to do with it. It got to a point that this feeling was so common, that I didn’t even realise anything was wrong. I just thought feeling this way ‘normal.’
It had to hit a really, really bad point for me, at 29yo, where I had no choice but to get professional help as the depression, anxiety and panic attacks were all becoming incredibly intense and debilitating.
It took me years and years of healing to release all of this emotional heaviness from my system… whether it was crying, punching, screaming, running, breathing, dancing, singing, drawing, writing and LOADS of energy healing (Reiki and EFT)… you name it, I did it.
Therefore, the fact that depression returned to my life last week, after the fact that I’ve done SO much work to heal it, really, really shocked me!
I put my hands up in the air and yelled to the Universe…
“You’re kidding me right!”
“When is this going to end!”
However, after going through it, I realised and accepted that yes, this was just another layer of the onion skin. Healing doesn’t happen overnight. Sometimes, it can take a very long time to get to the very core of a wound that has had many, many layers built up on top of it over the years. This was just another layer of the onion, coming up to be healed (or peeled! Lol)….
What really got me out of the dark this time, and relatively quickly was:
NOTE: If depression symptoms persist it is advisable to seek professional help.
So I guess from this experience, what I've learned is just how important it is to firstly accept our state if it is one where we are depressed, and then reach out for help to those people who are strong and wise enough to hold you in this place. If they are healers, HSP’s or Empaths, even better! I also feel that it's important to stay connected with and thus, supported by a community of fellow sensitive souls. This will not only deal with the loneliness factor, but when we are understood, accepted, validated, this can bring true healing about for us. And finally, learning how to use tools like energy healing tools and emotional release tools can do a world of wonder for us sensitives. For the dark times, and even more importantly, on a regular basis to keep ourselves energetically clean, stable and emotionally balanced.
If you're feeling down, lonely, or simply wanting to connect with other like-minded sensitive souls during this Christmas period, join me at my next meetup session where we will be ritually letting go of 2016 and intentionally bringing in good vibes for 2017. Thursday, December 22nd at 7pm in Elwood. Click here for information and bookings.
Writer. Empowerment Mentor. Spiritual Guide for Sensitive Souls.
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