Even though I climbed out of depression 2 weeks ago, last week, I was still sitting in the dark. And rather than allowing the dark to eat me up and swallow me whole, I peacefully sat in it. Accepted it. Embraced it. I even liked it. I liked it because it was real, it was truth and I was no longer pretending it wasn't there - whether it be within myself or out there in the world. I want to share the below blog about my dark place, some recent experiences I've had with the dark, and what I am learning whilst I'm sitting here, allowing myself to soak it all up.
I'm swimming in the dark right now and strangely enough, this is a very comfortable place to be. For so long now, I've been denying the dark. Whether it be denying it in the world by not watching the news (though I still limit this) and not engaging with 'negative' or 'heavy' people, or denying it in myself by either pretending it's not there, running from it, or being quick to heal and release it so it would leave my energy system. I've been playing that happy la la game. Everything's great. Everything is positive, everything is 'fine'.
But you know what? Much of the time it's not.
And it's been bloody exhausting 'pretending' that all is positive, happy la la and happy times when it's simply not the case. The truth is, the 'real' truth is, that we are living in dark times. All you have to do is watch the news, or step out the door, to realise this is happening. And I don't want to get all dark on you who are reading this because yes, I completely believe that we are headed towards the light and a big shift in paradigms is occurring as we speak. But before we go to the light, I truly feel, that we must first of all, accept, embrace, and move through the dark. Embracing and swimming in the dark side of life in recent weeks has brought a HUGE relief to my system, to my Soul. I'm no longer running around, pretending that all is great and expending vast amounts of energy trying to be in a happy place, when simply, hey I'm just not.
The Spiritual community and society in general promotes positivity. Always be POSITIVE. Always be OK. Always be FINE. And if you are not fine, and you admit that you are not, many people's reaction is one of either sympathy, discomfort, stepping back from you or just plain leaving you. They can't handle it. They can not deal with the dark. They are not comfortable sitting in this place. Perhaps because they are denying it within themselves. I know this certainly has been the case for me up until recently. Since I've started embracing the dark, the dark in me, and the dark outside of me, I've also been drawing in a lot of dark into my sphere. As the law of attraction states, like attracts like. I am in the dark, so I am drawing in the dark. And though I know I will rise again, and then fall again just the same, right now this is where I am, and I'm drinking it all in. Allowing myself to sit, allow, learn and grow whilst I am here. Swimming in the dark.
One example of attracting the dark happened just the other night. I was in the emergency ward of the Alfred hospital due to an ongoing health issue (no sympathy required - just a part of the journey). As I got discharged late at night, my phone battery had died and a stranger in a wheelchair, kindly offered for me to use his phone to call a taxi. As I waited for the taxi to arrive, I asked him what happened to his foot/leg which was in a cast. He told me how he went hunting and got shot in the ankle by his friend. Prior to these dark-embracing weeks, I would have judged him and thought how awful (and un-positive!) it is that he's 'hunting' and I'm totally not going to talk to him anymore. But I didn't, I sat there and embraced the dark. He went on to tell me about his wife and how she'd recently lost both of her parents within a two week timeframe. And how she wasn't coping. More dark, but I embraced it. Didn't judge it. Embraced it. This is life. This is all a part of life. Why run. Why pretend. This is reality. This is what's so. Aah relief. And on top of this, this stranger, who yes, like all of us, had some dark, was actually one of the kindest people I had encountered at the hospital! Lending me his phone, and also his company whilst I waited for the taxi, in the dark (ha!), in the middle of the night.
Another example of attracting the dark was the night before the hospital visit. I was sitting having a meal at the local 'Lentil as Anything' in St Kilda. I was sitting next to a young girl who was also having dinner on her own. We struck up a convo and I could quickly see that she was a young soul who was filled with anger. She had quite a hard, dark and intense vibe going on within her. But I sat there with this dark part of her and listened to her and her story. As she opened up, she revealed a very harsh reality of how her life had been up to this point. And I don't wish I want to reveal it here, but let's just say it was one of the darkest stories I've heard. I continued to sit there as she unleashed her dark out there, into the open. I sat there, let it happen, and let it be. It was what is so. As her dark was allowed space to just be, and release, I could feel her energy soften. As she softened, a kinder, more gentle side began to reveal itself and she started talking to me about her wishes, dreams and goals. She had a vision. A big vision for this world. And it was beautiful. Her strength, intelligence and wisdom also revealed themselves and I was actually impressed by her depth of knowledge - and I was learning so much from her! She touched me, moved me and showed me something special. Her reality. Her dark reality and her struggle to live through the pain. But also her inner beauty and her beautiful vision for a world that exists in harmony, exists in peace. I will not forget this girl.
I'm starting to now see a pattern reveal itself. Through having sat with my own dark in recent weeks, embracing it, letting it happen, letting it be, letting it go, I can also be that open and accepting space for the dark that exists in others and in this world. By no longer denying, pretending and running, I am letting it wash over me and surprisingly witnessing and experiencing the gems that reveal themselves just by being bold enough to sit there, feel it and allow the dark to simply just be.
Just think... If we were all in a position to embrace the dark, hear the dark, see the dark, allow the dark, both in ourselves and in others to be revealed, wouldn't this world be a much less lonely place to live in? And a much more real, true, authentic and therefore connected place to live in? Wouldn't that be a dream come true? Well it would be for me anyway.
On a side note: The day after I wrote this blog, I was sitting in traffic on Punt Road when a bikie gang pulled up next to me on their Harley's. They started waving at me, and I happily waved back. I thought yes! These are my peeps! At least for this week... whilst I swim in the dark ;-)
SENSITIVE SOULS SESSIONS: NEXT EVENT
'Celebrating Endings, Creating New Beginnings'
I'm not gonna get all 'Christmassy' on you because one, I'm not on that vibe right now, and two, being sensitive, you're probably over it and can see through much of the fake, bullshitty hype that comes with it. But I will invite you to a place where you can get real, be understood and accepted for whichever vibe/mood/place you're in...
This Thursday night, December 22nd, join a group of like-minded souls to celebrate, reflect and let go of 2016, and energetically call in and set our intentions for 2017.
7-9.30pm in Elwood.
Address confirmed upon registration. Investement $20.
Click here to book your place.
** I will be including a sound healing at the end for you to move into the New Year in balance, harmony and peace **
Writer. Empowerment Mentor. Spiritual Guide for Sensitive Souls.
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